Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
