...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
