Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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