I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
