Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
