Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
