craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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