you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
