I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
