I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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