So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
