I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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