think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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