u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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