I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize