My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
