he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
