i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
