So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
