I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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