Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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