woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
