Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
