We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
