I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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