Who wears a wallet chain?!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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