I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
