wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
