PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
