I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
