and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
