I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
