Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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