i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
