yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
