i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
