sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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