I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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