I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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