everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i have two assholes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
