Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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