sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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