did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
