After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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