Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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