we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
