girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize