I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
