Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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