Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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