When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize