i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
