its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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