She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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