im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
