my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
