Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
