I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
