Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is my gift to your gina
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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