you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
