i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
