Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
