eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
