its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
