I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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