I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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