We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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