my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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