So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
