She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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