he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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